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7XMOM: Am I really smart enough for this car?

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As I’ve said before, David and I are not people who get a new-to-us car very often. But we saved up for a good down payment and bought a cute Rogue Sport back in September.

I am really beginning to wonder, however, if I am smart enough to have a new car with new-fangled stuff in it.

First of all, buying the car changed the color of every car in America. When I was driving the silver van, every car in the Walmart parking lot was silver. Now that I have a dark gray car, every car in the Walmart parking lot has become a cute little dark gray one.

Hence, my situation the other day that almost made me turn myself and my keys into the DMV.

The back story is that I decided to make pies this year with homemade pie crust, and then I thought my crust was a little tough. (Please, don’t send recipes. I overworked the dough.) So then I went to buy pumpkin pies at Sam’s Club, and they were out. Then I went to most every grocery store to buy pie crusts, and there were none to be found.

A blessing in disguise, I suppose, found me in Martinsville at my neurologist for my decades-long struggle with headaches, so I went to Kroger. I found pie crusts and bought them and a couple of other things. So far, so good.

I found my car among all the dark gray, cute cars in the parking lot and put my bags in the front passenger seat. I returned my cart and, back at the car, took a selfie of myself with the Kroger sign in the background to send to my son who is an executive with Kroger. (Just a little brag there.)

I got in the car and sent the picture along with a long text to him. I then went to put the key in the ignition. There was no ignition. Who stole the ignition? I froze and realized I was probably in the wrong car.

I hesitantly turned to see if there was my poinsettia tombstone topper in the back seat and didn’t see it. Then I realized there were no groceries in the front passenger seat and the upholstery was tan, not black.

I couldn’t get out of that car fast enough. It was so embarrassing. Not so embarrassing that I wouldn’t think of sharing it with hundreds of readers, but embarrassing. I finally found my car, which looked just like my adopted car, and got out of there.

Before this day, David had the idea to give ourselves a Christmas gift of having a remote ignition installed. I liked the remote ignition idea, but made sure he knows I still expect a Christmas gift.

We had it installed, and I looked forward to climbing into a warm car this winter. I listened carefully as I was told to always make sure the heat was turned on when I got out of the car, so it would be on when I clicked the remote. Easy, peasy.

No one instructed me, however, to make sure the remote was in the house and not left in the car like I usually leave keys down here in the holler. Hence, the first frosty morning that week found me whining to David that the remote to the remote ignition was still in the car.

“I’ll go get it,” he said. He went out in his socks, turned on the heat, grabbed the keys and came inside to start the car.

What is wrong with this picture? What is wrong with me?

“You realize we could have saved $400 if you were just willing to go out and start the car for me every morning,” I said.

The sad part is I have either left the remote in the car or forgotten to leave the heat on for at least five times now. When will I learn?

I blame it on the weather that starts out cold, then gets warm enough to turn the heat off. Should I really be able to remember at 2 in the afternoon what I will need at 8 the next morning?

And using the Bluetooth to call people is another whole issue. Once I can figure out how to actually wrap words around the concept, I can share that.

Send help.

Elzey is a freelance writer for the Register & Bee. She can be reached at or (434) 791-7991.


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